Making A Difference

Many times when people hear others say, "Things happen for a reason." I believe that, at times, they are misunderstanding the quote. Many will debate this, but many agree.

In our lives, we go through many trials and tribulations, we walk a path that, for some reason, is our path to walk. What we learn from our journey-we then utilize our experience to help others. Many people have become activists and advocates from what they've been through.

The best teachers and speakers are those who went through it themselves. The true experts are those who dealt with *trauma* within their own lives. With this, I would like to dedicate this post to those who *Make A Difference* each and everyday. I would like to acknowledge those of all walks of life and this Inspiration Award is dedicated to those people.

Many thanks for making a difference goes out to:

Kathryn Keats - Kathryn experienced *Stockhold Syndrome* and abuse from her boyfriend. Having to subject herself to the witness protection program, she is now free. Today, she writes and sings music that expresses her experience. *After The Silence* is now available on CD. Kathryn was on the Montel Williams show and Reader's Digest did a feature article about her experience with abuse.

Connie Culp - The first woman to ever receive a face transplant from a dead woman has come out and shared her story. Her abuser is serving only 7 years in prison for shooting Connie in the face. She has been interviewed on many shows about her true story.

Holly Desimone - Holly was raped and violated. Her story was in Reader's Digest and today she has an amazing blog that focuses on awareness of Sexual abuse. "HOLLY JILL DESIMONE will never silence the sound of the rapist's zipper opening behind her. "Count backward from ten!" he ordered, forcing her onto her hands and knees against a chair in her apartment in Red Deer, Alta. Photographs of her seven-year-old son and five-year-old daughter smiled from across the room as the man assaulted her."

Florence Hollway - On March 31, 1991 in Alton, New Hampshire, a twenty-five-year-old intruder named John La Forest broke into the home of Florence Holway (a seventy-six-year-old woman) and brutally raped and sodomized her in the bedroom of her farmhouse. The brutal attack went on from midnight to two am. For a brief moment, the attacker left the house and then for some reason came back. This seventy-six-year old woman fought for her rights and stood up to cruel remarks within the court system. She stood up for what she believed in and she never backed down.

Maria Phelps - At a young age, Maria Phelps faced domestic violence as she was brutally beaten and faced broken bones. Today, she is going through her divorce, fighting the court system, and created a blog for Domestic Violence Awareness!

Marie Coppla - Marie was sexually abused and today she expresses her experience and healing through creativity. She has self-published a book of poems and she is now involved in promoting a non-profit organization called, *Healing Through Creativity.*

Marj AKA Thriver - Marj is a sexual assault and abuse survivor. She has an amazing blog and is involved in the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. She is very dedicated with her work and the need to make a difference makes this lady #1.

Marilyn Hontz - Marilyn faced child abuse and has written a book called *Shame Lifter.* I had the privilege of reading her book and providing a book review within this blog. Marilyn shares her experience through her writings and blog.

Thistle Farms - Thistle Farms is a non-profit business run by women who have survived lives of violence, prostitution, and abuse. Thistle Farms products are hand-made by the very women they benefit. All proceeds go back into Thistle Farms and the residential program, Magdalene, where the women live in community for 2 years. Into every product goes the belief that love is the strongest force for change in the world.

There are so many people who make a difference in our world that have dealt with obstacles at hand. No matter what we've been through, what we experienced, things truly do happen for a reason.

Others who have made a difference are:

Maurice Benard - Bipolar Disorder Awarenss

Patty Duke - Bipolar Disorder Awareness

Danielle Steele - Bipolar Disorder Awareness

Jenny McCarthy - Autism Awareness

Melissa Etheridge - Breast Cancer Awareness

There are millions of people to be grateful for in our lives that inspires and makes a difference!

Domestic Violence Awareness

During Domestic Violence Awareness Day (May 9th), I was featured at Marj AKA Thriver's blog. Thank you so much Marja for your kind words and thoughts!

Connie Culp

In the Huffington Post it states, "Five years ago, a shotgun blast left a ghastly hole where the middle of her face had been. Five months ago, she received a new face from a dead woman."

She was shot by her husband and he received 7 years in prison! I am, for the first time, speechless. These things doesn't surprise me anymore when it comes to domestic violence.

Connie Culp is a strong, brave woman! She came forward and shared her story and her experience will change a lot of lives. She is the first person to have a face transplant and she courageously shared her story with us.

I wish her all the love, happiness, peace, and serenity in her life!

Spread Your Wings and Fly

"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” - Booker T. Washington

The phases of human metamorphosis is the life changes we endure. How we react to those changes is what shapes our lives. Some embrace these changes while others are not aware of what is going on around them. Each day, year, and century, we face signs and signals, but many ignore them. This comes from fear. Fear of the unknown.

Many of us want to reinvent ourselves. Whether that be losing weight, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, giving up drinking or drugs, overcoming depression, and other life obstacles. No one said that it was easy.

In the January 2004 issue of Oprah Magazine, an articled called, Transformation by Martha Beck states that psychological metamorphosis has four phases. Beck states, "You'll go through these phases, more or less in order, after any major catalyst (falling in love or breaking up, losing a job, having children, etc.). The strategies of dealing with change depend on the phase you're experiencing."

Phase One: Dissolving - This is a phase when we lose our identity. Wanting to be the same person and continue the life you are living. Change is scary and dissolving is a feeling of falling apart.

Phase Two: Imagining - This phase begins when you can see images of your life you are about to create. Many people are so focused on the *fear* of changing that they cannot envision the end results (in a positive way).

Phase Three: Re-forming - This is when you stop fantasizing and envision your success, but rather take action! Instead of imagining selling your book (book proposal), you are now submitting the book proposal to editors.

Phase Four: Flying - This is when your new identity is fully formed and you are ready to fly! So, spread your wings and start flying and reach for the stars.

Now that you know the four phases, what's next? Well, its transforming the mind (psychological) and thinking positive thoughts. Instead of saying, "I want to lose weight" try saying "I WILL lose weight." Instead of saying, "I want to stop drinking," say "I WILL stop drinking." Change your vocabulary.

I am a big believer in positive and negative energy. What you put out into the universe comes back. If you want to change, you have to think positive thoughts. If you continue to believe that you cannot lose weight, you cannot stop drinking, you cannot overcome depression - well, then you won't.

The first thing is to say it loud and say it proud! Say out loud that you want to lose weight, then say I WILL lose weight! Write it down! Use it as a facebook status, put it in your blog and write it in your journal. Tape your changes on your fridge. If you want to leave your abusive relationship then say it loud! Say, "I want to leave my abusive relationship." Then say, "I WILL leave my abusive relationship."

However, there is a catch! You have to mean it. You have to want it. You have to breathe it. You have to desire it. You have to be honest with yourself and know that metamorphosis takes time as it is a transition like the caterpillars that turn into butterflies.

To imagine your success, cut out magazine pictures and glue them into a journal or posterboard. No one has to see it, but you. Design a life road map of your dreams and how you want to go through your very own personal metamorphosis. Say you want to make a change! No one has to know what the change is, just say it! Start by saying that there will be changes in your life.

I did! I say it in my facebook status. *Changes, huge, big changes.* No one needs to know what they are. Just saying it is a step in the right direction.

Just remember that there will be bumps in the road, there will be setbacks, and you will endure many changes in your life as you grow. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are and what you want - we all really do know ourselves. We just have to overcome that fear.

Spread your wings and fly like a butterfly.

Get Educated

Recently, I have been reading a blog called, A Movement Against Domestic Violence by Maria Phelps. Not too long ago, she was receiving comments from *Anonymous* people who have had some harsh things to say. She recently wrote a blog post about, NP Trust Fund and an *Anonymous* person responded:

"As a New Paltz parent, with children who have participated on this man’s sports teams and taken his classes, I don’t care. He may have allegedly beaten his wife, but not once has it affected his work. He has been nothing short of amazing with his students as well as the players on both football and baseball. This man’s personal life should have nothing to do with his professional life, and I should hope other parents agree. One crazy accusation shouldn’t deprive these students of a great teacher and friend.

You have every right to continue with all of this, and if you've been abused, you very well should do what you can. However, it is wrong to sabotage the career of a man who does his job well. Up until they hit high school, I was planning on moving my children out of the New Paltz school district because of the terrible teaching staff at the lower levels, and your husband was one of the few reasons I stayed. I understand that you hate him, and like I said, you have a right to. But is that worth taking a good teacher away from children?"

Ok, we all have a right to our own opinions, but this is the exact response towards abuse that irritates me. And what makes me more frustrated is how these *Anonymous* people have the nerve to stir up situations, but don't have the balls to show their true identity.

In my opinion, in our society today, people still need to *Get Educated* on abuse. They need to educate themselves about domestic violence and abuse of all kinds. It makes me sick to my stomach that people still take abuse of all kinds a little too lightly. As I always say, until it happens to them - things are frivilous, they don't mean nothing, and people are self-absorbed in their own business that no one stops to learn and take the time to really see and feel what others are going through.

Wake up people! Abusers DON'T deserve to be put on a *pedestal.* Granted, some do go through recover, get help, and make a difference, but not all abusers do. Abuse is a cycle that keeps repeating itself.

I wouldn't want an abuser to teach or coach my kid! They are liable to abuse my child as well. Maybe not physical, but through verbal and mental abuse.

Get Educated! And for once, make a difference.

The Rose~Bette Midler

Rape Kits

1000's of untested "rape kits" sit on police shelves nationwide, letting rapists go free!

Check out ABC News and RAINN DNA in solving rape cases.

April Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is sexual assault awareness and prevention month. What can you do to help?

Try:

1. Starting a blog
2. Helping someone in need
3. Volunteer for a local shelter
4. volunteer for a 800 hotline number
5. Donate unwanted items to your local shelter
6. Write articles about abuse of all kinds
7. Spread the word
8. Share your story

Find Your Way Home

Author: Becca Stevens

Publisher: Abingdon Press (September 1, 2008)

ISBN-10: 0687647053

Find Your Way Home is a short book filled with a collection of short stories by women of abuse. These women have come together and compiled an inspirational book about their lives battling with abuse. They bring forth the power of love as a way to heal. They are "The Women of Magdalene."

Magdalene and Thistle Farms is a two-year residential community founded in Nashville, Tennessee in 1997 for women who have survived lives of prostitution, violence and abuse. In the book it states, "Our rule is a simple guide for living in the community. Consisting of twenty-four principles - it describes practical ways we can love one another without prejudice or judgement."

These principles include coming together, find your place in the circle, forgive and feel freedom, and live in gratitude just to name a few. I found it very inspiring as these women came together through their love for one another to write such a powerful book.

I, personally, like the rule, "Forgive and Feel Freedom." I believe that this is a major factor in a person's life who has experienced abuse..forgiving is truly the key to our freedom.

The most inspirational moment for me is when I read that Thistle Farms products are hand-made by the women of Magdalene. You can buy hand lotion, soaps, and candles within their website. All the proceeds go back into Thistle Farms and the residential program, Magdalene.

For more information and stories you can visit Thistle Farms Blog.

Rihanna...Role Model?

We read it, seen it, heard it, and continue to get frustrated with it. Rihanna decided to go back to Chris Brown and this decision has brought on an uproar with many people who have their opinions about domestic violence and relationships in general.

Oprah had a show about domestic violence, and although, I missed it (Due to an aired Basketball game), I have read that people were not happy with her show.

In an article by EW.Com it states that Tyra Banks had a show about Rihanna and stated that, "Banks reminded the audience that Rihanna is "a girl... an entertainer," not a role model, and shouldn't have to bear this added pressure." Hmmm..I could debate this one. Why?

Ordinary people like me, who experienced abuse, lived it, was married to it, and had the strength to leave it - now spreads awareness about domestic violence. Without my experience, this blog wouldn't exsist. This should apply to celebrities as well! Especially celebrities, who have the power, money, and resources to make a difference.

When a person chooses to become a celebrity, sure, they have their privacy rights, however, they chose to live a life where society is going to know about their ups and downs. With this, comes vulnerable teenagers looking up to celebrity teenagers. Its a price one has to pay when they decide to go Hollywood.

I agree that no matter who you are or where you come from, when dealing with abuse the added pressure can make you more depressed and vulnerable, but Tyra Banks made it sound like "Rihanna as a celebrity" is not a role model. Maybe the word "Role Model" needs to be changed to another word, maybe it needs to be evaluated a little better, and maybe that word was taking out of context, however, whether you want to call it a "Role Model" or simply an "Inspirational Speaker, Teacher," or what have you..Rihanna is certainly qualified to be those things.

Granted, we leave a domestic relationship when its the right time for us, and it takes a long time to do this sometimes, but we are all role models when we experience things in our lives, we are all here to help, to teach, and to make a difference.

I am a true believer that we should take what we've experienced in life and use that experience as a tool to help others. Rihanna "should" be a Role Model like the rest of us; to teach, to learn, to inspire, and to make a difference. Yes, Rihanna may be a " girl," "an entertainer," but helping others and making a difference is priceless.